(Good old unfriendly Mr Patel. Never says a word... whether you're buying cornflakes, fabric softener, or gay porn.) [Picks up a box of tissues] (So here we go, watch without prejudice. I'm just testing the water. I'm a sexual scientist.) [Turns on the TV to show a man doing push ups] (So I'm keeping in trim. This is fine. Typical evening in, Johnson's doing the spreadsheet. There's nothing to be afraid off. It was very popular with the Romans and they got a lot done) [The man in the video now has an erection] (How's it going Johnson? Haha, so quick.) [The two men in the video start kissing] (Yeah, some good kissing. Maybe I'm just bi-curious? What if that was actually Johnson, would that make me hotter?) [The man in the video takes his shirt off] (What about if he had Sophie's face? Or Sophie body with Johnson's face. Mum, dad, I'm bi-curious.) [The man starts taking off his shorts] (Yeah right, the bum. Nothing wrong with the bum) [The man's penis gets revealed and Mark switches the video off] (Ah! That's a bit too rich for me! I just don't know!)